There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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