that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
