i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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