o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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