You can't special order awesome
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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