My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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