spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
