This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize