is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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