Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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