i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
