ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
