her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
