fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
