I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
