Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
