The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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