I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
