I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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