Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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