Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we made out on top of his cat.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
