Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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