Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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