The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
