lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
