I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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