I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
