Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
