I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My cat gives me a boner
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
