He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
