I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
