Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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