There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
