Fine. I'll sleep in my office
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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