There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
