Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
