Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
