my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
