forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I intend to get homeless drunk
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
