There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We need to rekindle our bromance
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
