This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Green mimosas i think yes
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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