so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
