if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
