After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
