Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
