Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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