It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
