im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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