dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
