Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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