Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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