I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
