Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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