I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
