bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
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Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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