I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
