....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Randomize
