Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
