Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
