farters have to be the big spoon...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize