Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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