i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear