it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.