I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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