It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
