took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
