Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday