All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
