Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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