Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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