they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
