dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
