She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
