Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
