Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
